Upon returning from the pet store with goldfish, hermit crabs and/or aquatic turtles, which have been called one of the most labor-intensive reptiles to maintain:
Don't worry, you won't have to do a thing.
Upon being reminded that it's time to renew the car insurance, pay the property taxes, or fix the broken sprinkler that sprays a 30-foot geyser onto the neighbor's front porch every morning.
It's on my list.
Upon hearing of the bolt embedded in the tread of my brand-new tire:
That's easy. Just drive it down to the station and wait for it to be fixed.
Upon learning of the first day of school, the date of the parent-teacher conference, the call from the school nurse, the school reading night, art night, volunteer night, open house, and the last day of school:
Wish I could be there.
Upon entering the kitchen while the lasagna is in the oven, the artichokes are steaming, the maple-glazed carrots are glistening, the salad is chilling and the garlic bread is warming 15 minutes before the company arrives:
Do you want me to grill something?
Upon opening the drawers where four dozen articles of clothing have been sorted, washed, dried, folded and returned every week for the last 12 years:
Thank god. I was almost out of underwear.
Upon getting out of bed, after the dog has been walked and fed, the water boiled, the beans ground, the slow-drip coffee made, the girl's breakfast and lunch assembled, the dishwasher emptied, the permission slip signed, the homework checked and the child herded out of bed and wrestled into her school clothes, all by 7:25 a.m.:
Are you in a bad mood today?
Upon being asked to check his calendar for a week in the summer when it might be possible to plan a vacation.
Nothing. Not one word.
DISCLAIMER: These incidents are not exactly based on the real life of any actual better or worse half that I know. But they may be based on one you know.