*and other ways to say I love you.
Today I had a: conversation/fight/tantrum/major meltdown.
The fact is, I'm having a tough time with the transition to: going back to work/daycare/no sleep/solids/no nap/the big bed/the twos/the threes/a new sibling/the layoff/the new job/kindergarten/fourth grade.
I'm just so frustrated with: naptime/potty training/bedtime/no time to myself.
I shouted/screamed/slammed the door/broke down/sobbed/made her cry.
I should have: seen it coming/stopped in my tracks/used my words/taken a break/left the room/given myself a timeout.
This is so much harder than: I thought/anyone told me/it was last year.
How can I: learn from my mistakes/do better/raise my child differently?
My friend Kris Laroche sent me a Feeleez game recently to give away on this blog. Because of all of the above, I feel happy to share it with you now.
Kris is one of the founders of Feeleez, which originated tools to teach kids what some folks call emotional intelligence.
Getting along peacefully is what we all want to do. A tool to help our children identify and talk about their feelings helps parents talk about their feelings too. Personally speaking, that has always been a more urgent need in our household, and that's why I'm so glad to offer you this gift.
Kris was an early adopter of Momma Zen, for which I feel so grateful, and she checked in with me recently to find out how else I was feeling. Frankly, Kris, I'm feeling relieved now that I said all this, and empathize with all the moms who I know are having a rough go of it these days.
I'm giving away a beautifully crafted and packaged Feeleez Empathy Game with 25 matching pairs of Feeleez cards to help you and your children learn to recognize and express feelings in a non-confrontational way. It comes with a guide for several game ideas including memory games and charades. It's a lovely addition to your home or classroom.
To enter, simply leave a comment telling me how you feel right now, including a way to contact you by blog or email if you win. Seriously, I feel sad when I choose a winner that I can't contact! The giveaway ends next Monday, Sept. 28. Enter as often as you like whenever the feeling strikes.
Subscribe to my newsletter • Come to my retreat • Fan me • Follow me.
More Cake on My Plate
5 minutes ago
90 comments:
I feel proud that I didn't interfere in the horrendous shouting match between my husband and my child. It took everything I had to stay upstairs and let them work it out themselves. I'm not happy with how they ended it, but it's their relationship, and I need to let them figure it out rather than getting in their way.
No prize necessary. It just feels good to write that down!
Overwhelmed! (not very zen, is it?)
Becky @ grrrlmeetsworld.com
Right now, I'm feeling loved because he actually said "SQUEEZE" when he game me a hug.
Right now I'm feeling content but I have to say that today we went through several tantrums. Sometimes I'm able to navigate them ok, but there are other times when I reach saturation point and scream back. I so wish I didn't. I so try.
I love the fact that even at 18 months kiddo is forgiving and somehow seems to understand that mama has tough days and times too. I can't explain it any other way. I really feel like I'm learning from her instead of the other way around.
Right now I feel calm, resolved, confident I can get this done. Yesterday I felt like a puddle of hopelessness who was failing at everything. I'm learning to accept that both feelings are as true it gets, and it's all about the flow.
I'm feeling light and bright today, and grateful for that! Also feeling a small amount of dread as bedtime approaches- so tired of crummy sleep!
kimberly@eco-footprints.net
Feeling bogged down in mom guilt trying to balance my path with what they all need, having sitters flake out, and discovering ink art on my leather chairs. Ugh.
Renae@cobbland.com
Zorsted, as my brother used to say.
Trepidatious about having to go home after four days sans kids by the ocean.
jkn@jennifernew.com
Right now I am feeling happy to have had energy today, proud that my son and I had no major conflicts, and guilty that an outside obligation I am currently involved in is taking away from my family so much this week. I enjoy the time away, but it is more time this week than I would have chosen, and I miss my family, too. It is wonderful to watch my son have so much one-on-one bonding time with Daddy, especially with a new baby on the way, and heartwrenching at the same time. I love doing something fun and fulfilling away from home, but I don't want to love it. I want to love being with my family as much as I love the time away. And sometimes I do. Next week, when all of this activity is over, I think I will bask in the gratitude of time alone with my family, knowing there is nowhere else I have to be.
steph.r.rayburn@gmail.com
I feel like I have just been spat out of a tornado. Arguing about money with my husband, not sleeping because baby is teething, not sleeping because baby is practicing her crawling in her sleep, not feeling connected with my husband. I cried and now I feel better.
nperrier@sd38.bc.ca
Father Mother here,
Feeling spent after 6 hours of baby vomiting in the er, calming pregnant wife from the fear in the air of being at a hospital, cleaning car and carseat at one in the morning, looking forward to sleep but still needing to take a shower. Thank you for the needed break.
Sincerely,
Ben
Ben,
You have my heart. You have everyone's heart! Saying a service for you this second.
I am feeling grateful that here is yet another Official Recognition of feelings...thinking with gratitude of my 12 weeks of studying NVC with friend...feeling like saying "SEE??!" (I know, how self-righteous) to my husband for calling NVC "a bunch of touchy-feely crap I have no patience for"...feeling grateful for Marshall Rosenberg, for you, for your friend Kris, and for all peacemakers.
Thank you,
Helen
Picture this: food poisoned mommy slumped over the toilet and garbage pail + crying baby + daddy at work = a precarious situation
nancychong1@hotmail.com
I feel tired and happy and grateful to have my wife and baby girl.
Daddy Perrier
markperrier@yahoo.ca
At this exact moment I am feeling hopeful that the bitch (in this context I get to use the term guilt free) in exam room four will have her sixth and final puppy rendering a c-section unnecessary. I am also hopeful that you will forgive my run-on sentences. I guess that makes me full of hope.
I feel like the new day care -- they are in week 4 -- has changed their behavior for the worse. When, in fact, I'm sure it's just that they are truly 3.5 and its. so. dang. miserable. sometimes. I can't believe all the NOOOOO's!!!!
Right now I am feeling great, fat but great. No more hospital visits, for a while, and the only drs visit insight is to get flu shots. A blessing.
My blog is ptcakes.blotspot.com
pchebert@rcn.com
like one giant errand that takes several passes in order to accomplish! whew.....
Wow. I sobbed all the way to work this morning because I couldn't figure out what I was feeling. There are so many changes recently in our life and I am having such a hard time identifying and dealing with my emotions. I often worry that since I am so emotional that I won't teach my boys how to deal with their emotions effectively. This looks like an awesome tool for them and maybe it will just help me too...
i am feeling reminiscent as i prepare to welcome a junior high school friend into my chaos... and i am remembering the 'ungame' we played when i was a kid. evidently i am more like my parents than i know...:)
cheerios! peace .
kate
I feel gratitude that my sour attitude yesterday subsided overnight and I am feeling calm despite the storm that is crashing around me.
I'm feeling grateful, amazed, and confident. Grateful for my husband and son, amazed at the life that we created, and confident that we can make it through the rough times.
melissakolom@gmail.com
I'm feeling optimistic (after I took a quick peak at the Feeleez blog) with a definite sense of possibility. Now to go have a cup of tea with my daughter.
I'm feeling excited! This is a game that I want to share with my nieces and nephew. Emotional intelligence is one of those powerful intangible skills that can make the difference between someone who interacts with people and someone who has the capacity to transform relationships! Thank you for sharing those feeleez with all of your readers!
I feel like a juggler who has too many balls in the air... but haven't dropped one yet (today)
I'm feeling--
appreciatively pensive that your post shows me how close my two-year-old and I are in neither of us being able to quite get a hold on our individual feelings. Me, in the wake of loss; her, in the wake of babyhood, coming into girlhood. So much change. So many faces. So many expressions.
Humbled - after reading these replies. Lonesome - wishing I could meet all of the writers in person. Tearful - after watching that amazing video about life. And hopeful - that my children just might learn to not only name their emotions, but embrace them. Scared - that I will fail as a mom. Thankful for mentors and friends.
Responsible. I feel responsible. Sometimes overwhelmingly so. For my son. For me. For my family's well being. However, I am grateful for the circle that I am a part of. I pray every day that I can be the mother, wife, friend and daughter that I want to be -for their well being and mine. I pray that when the time comes I will do what is right in that moment. I pray that if I don't I will learn from it and move gracefully forward with compassion and forgiveness. Motherhood is not all playtime. Motherhood is serious work.
Thank you for your openness. For those above with pain, I pray that you all become well soon and all turns out well sooner than later -for I know what it feels like to watch a sick child and be sick myself. (Thank you, Momma Zen. No need to win here. Just responding.)
I feel scared.
BK - butterfly
I feel downhearted. I feel a million miles from my husband and baby. I am weathering my first illness as a mom. Nothing has been going right and I feel like I’m letting everyone down. I feel like crying. Plus, I’m ashamed to be whining in public.
Thanks for asking.....I really needed to be asked.
Right now, at work, I am feeling: frustrated, torn, angry, neglected, overlooked, and undervalued
I am also cranky, crampy, hot and tired
Thank you for this ... I so relate to the opening of this post ... catching myself reacting in ways I know, in the moment, I do not want to do but needing some kind of release and so unskillful words slip out. Then I feel guilty, anxious and ashamed. This looks like a great tool to add to my arsenal.
Surprisingly peaceful. I'm wiht my two mildly ill kids, therefore freed of some of the "obligations" of life. It's the most integrated that I've felt in weeks. Huh.
I'm feeling so relieved that I'm not alone!!!!
I'm feeling content, after a morning when the post's scenario did not happen, after a long run of days when it did.
mommyhungry.blogspot.com
I feel excited about the possibility to win something and maybe even receiving it when I see you in MN.
I feel pleasantly able to cope :) Is that a feeling...will that be a card in the deck?
I'm happy stretching to meet the challenges of my days.
I long for my daughter who cried this morning, sobbing heaving cries, saying goodbye to me. I came to work, to this place I don't want to be while she is at home with our sitter, about to go to her daddy's for 2 days before I see her again. I ache for her, yet I know she needs her daddy time too. I feel hope reading your blog. I feel release writing this and acknowledging how there's been a lump in my throat all day. I feel stuck. I ache. I feel honest. I feel thankful and I feel angry. I feel right here.
Thank you. The game sounds awesome but win or not, doign this helped me right now. Thank you for that.
I feel forgetful! I forgot to give my email address in my last post: katiesmurphy[at]gmail.com
I feel scattered and worried. I feel rejuvenated, energized and excited. And I feel love for my sons who I both want to be with all the time AND need some space from. One of whom just started preschool and we could really use some help with attaching some words to all those feelings swirling around our house.
No time to oneself, the great irony of our time. And technology was suppose to be the solution!
elated!
I feel excited to know about such a game! We are always struggling with this in our house, but we love games so this would be a big boon to us.
Feeling: content
Amazing, I really do feel that right at this moment. I just got up, most the snow has melted off the mountains surrounding Ulaanbaatar. It's Wednesday, so I tutor Boloroo in English, help our new CEO with some therapy exercises, teach my Pre-Intermediate English students tonight, already enjoying Snow Leopard on my Mac and will probably have a wonderful vegetarian lunch from the Stupa Cafe.
Life is good.
And just thought this Feeleez game might help some of my students too. Even if I don't win, cool idea. [smile]
inadequate
I feel crazy excited, lonely, tired, invigorated, unsure and completely positive. Yes, all right now. =)
Right now I feel very tired. My 32-month-old son has been having sleep issues for the past several months and I thought it was coming to an end. Then he got sick. Tuesday is my late work night, so suffice it to say that I am tired and miserable because I have been up since 4 A.M. It's now 9 P.M. I honestly don't know how monks at a monastery survive with so little sleep.
As a mother, let me assure you: never pity or revere a monk.
tired and grateful...thank you, karen and kris.
Affectionate. Resentful. Capable. Insecure. Confident. Anxious. Content. Dissatisfied. In control. Overwhelmed. Assured. Worried.
All in the past 15 minutes.
Laura
lauragreenleaf@att.net
neeeeeed these!!!! what a great idea.
right now i'm seriously considering standing on the tracks. it's been a doozy and my coping skills are d o w n r i v e r....
thank you for reminding me that i get to have my feelings, too!! :)
Overwhelmed.
Resentful.
Bitter.
Envious.
And after reading my list, guilty.
(mreid14 AT hotmail dOT com)
I feel tired, I feel tired of saying I'm tired. I feel invisible, inadequate and after reading everyone else's comments, relieved that I am not alone. I feel we need more forums to express how we feel and like one reader said, we need to be asked. I feel like I would like to get out of this funk I've been in. And like another reader said, I feel guilty for saying all of this too.
If I win, you can email me at: catherine@beautifulbith.ca.
I feel grateful that the kids are in bed and I have this "me" time to catch up on wonderful blogs such as this. Kudos to your friend Kris for such a creative game. I can see it being helpful for kids and adults alike. That comes from yours truly, a play therapist.
Hi, I'm Pilar and I am FRAZZLED: too tired, too short-tempered, too sick of breathing in mold, too eager to pack up the moving van. If I could make a sound, it would be something like NYA-YA, y'know, that sound you make when you get a slight electrical shock when plugging in an old lamp (or something of the sort). But as my 2-year-old is asleep, I will simply vent in silence, the clicking of the keypad keeping time with the crickets out me' window. (i LOVE feeleez.)
I feel grateful and a little more peaceful after coming over here to visit! I came over to invite you to stop by the blog- I have a post relating to you how much I enjoy your perspective and have over the last few years. Please stop by when you have time.
And I feel watchful my dear little one goes under general anesthesia for the first time tomorrow for ear tube placement.
and with that I feel hopeful that that her new tubes will improve her hearing.
The blog- http://www.thetaooftulips.wordpress.com
i feel humbled and inspired, by ALL of you. i want to ask all of you every day how you are feeling, because just creating the space to say it, shifts it. and we all need more of that kind of space, don't you think? i feel grateful to you all for doing what you are doing, being who you are being, every moment, quietly, often alone. i also feel honoured to be partnered with nathan mctague (parenting coach) and natalie christensen (artist), both co-creators of feeleez and devoted parents. wanting you all to know them, too.
you are loved, each of you.
thank you.
happy.
(really)
what a great game! and lovely post.
Right now I feel....
breathing out...
emotional intelligence 'overwhelmed'.
Soooo tiring to think shall i react/not react/do the adult thing/be objective..
i want to be 2.5 years old, and allowed to throw myself down on the floor and scream! And after the screaming I want to get in bed...cry a bit..and then quietly fall asleep...waking up to a new morning...
(and this is about big people...if it only was little people it would have been easier). xx
Tired...just tired. I wish it was a peaceful tired but right now, it isn't. Thanks for the giveaway. Looking forward to seeing you in a couple of weeks!! kellygillett@sio.midco.net
I am feeling overwhelmed and exhausted. Layoffs are looming at my job and if I'm laid off I will likely lose my house. I'm the main breadwinner and am barely making it as it is. I'm dealing with a tween boy at home and that is also exhausting and frustrating. Some days I feel like I just want to stay in bed all day and sleep. I know things could be worse, but I keep wondering when/if they will get better?!
Laura
larygaoh@yahoo.com
I feel sad and irritated that I had to pick up my daughter at school at 10:30 am because she was having a "hard time" in the regular ed 6th grade class. The special ed teacher was out and they didn't have a sub.
So, sad that my daughter, after 10 years of solid dedication and countless therapies by her parents and teachers and therapistss could not handle this somewhat small change and irritated that the school couldn't make arrangements.
Ugh.
Right now, I feel really happy that you posted this. Until reading it just now, I felt run over by a truck, which is pretty typical. I have two small children, husband, house, full-time job...just like a lot of people, and we're all just slogging through. I often feel that my troubles are unique and uniquely unmanagable, but they're not, and knowing that helps so much.
The 3-year old is already in touch with his feelings, as he shouted "I'M REALLY ANGRY RIGHT NOW MAMA!" at 6:30 this morning when his 9-month old sister pulled his hair. I'll take that as a good sign.
how am I feeling???? I feel very grateful, inspired along with feeling stuck and a bit trapped...xoxo
I feel lonely. And unsure. Mostly lonely.
I'm feeling calm, and like I have just a moment of it before my son wakes up. I want him to wake up, and I want to play with him, yet I am relishing getting to do things that I love to do (solo). I feel... blessed.
(in case I forgot my e-mail, I clicked that little box for follow-up comments this time)
Now I'm feeling excited--the Papa of the house just stepped in!
Okay--not trying to load the comments all in one stop--I just wanted to say thank you for this particular post (and all of the posts, too). I feel relieved that I'm not the only one who "loses it." It's embarrassing, especially for someone who meditates, says she wants peace for this world, etc. Ahh. I can still mess-up and want peace, too, after the dust settles. Thank you.
I'm feeling a little frayed at the ends, and my center feels semi-solid.
because you asked, I noticed I was all a-clenched in that moment. Then I breathed. Then some more. Now I'm much less clenched. thanks.
:) hahamommy@gmail.com
lonely. for no reason at all, i am feeling utterly alone in a crowd of strangers.
im going "home" next week and hoping it will be enough to fill my heart and soul with magic.
I'm a grandmom and my heart goes out to all the moms here. All the aches and pains and joys and hopes--the frustration, the fears, the hopeless feelings, the anger--resonate with me.
I'm feeling extremely grateful today. One of my daughters-in-law was in a bad accident yesterday and came away unhurt and thank goodness neither of the children were with her!
I'm feeling productive after being sick for several days and napping a ton.
Right now I'm feeling sub-dude.
I don't have a child, but I have a borderline, alcoholic parent for whom I am now doing elder care, and open communication about feelings (or the lack thereof) is constantly tripping us up. This tool looks SO like it could help. Where do I get one if I don't win it? ABNewc@gmail.com
right now i feel calm, centered, and deliriously happy. so so good.
xoxo
Feeling seventies—when you needed a phone number to find someone.
Feeling moved by the music, taunted by the picnic lunch that waits to be prepared, in awe of the growing, growing, growing boy. So much unfinished this day, but fulfilled anyway.
proud that I was present and calm for my 4 yr olds screaming raging tantrum and showed her she did not have to run and hide to scream, that I could be there and handle it. exhausted from new school, scheduling child's speech and OT classes, exhausted from a 6, 4, and 2 year old who always need me, tired of being tired, tired of being exhausted, tired of no time, tired of trying to just find time. grateful for the first two loose teeth, grateful for their smiles, grateful for their general okay health and wishing mine would improve. Grateful to have made a healthy dinner mostly from my own grown vegetables, wishing it had not exhausted me so to make. Going to sleep, happy to have read your blog and know I am not alone.
annakatherine @ indigocranedotcom
I feel overwhelmed by the enormity of my role at the college where I work. So much rides on what I decide. So many people affected, including students who are going into deep debt for what they believe is a great education. At the same time that I feel my choices are important, I notice that the whole enterprise is completely made up--we make up what is important to teach and learn and do. Maybe it would be better if we all just took a walk, baked a pie, hummed to a song, went for a swim, noticed each other a bit more.
kimrusso@gmail.com
I feel proud of jumping in head first to my commitment to make 100 drawings in a month. It's going well. And I am proud of myself for staying committed to going to the gym every other day (a record for me, for sure!).
firetold@telus.net
I'm feeling cautiously optimistic.
--Bernadette Geyer
http://bernadettegeyer.blogspot.com
I'm feeling okay that he says he doesn't want a mommy if we have to "share" him because he wouldn't want either of us if we were still together.
I'm feeling content - all will work out for r good.
Feeling stressed, sad, overwhelmed, settled, happy, cosy, breathing, breathing, tight, loose, vunerable, protected, breathing, breathing, breathing, surprised, observant, holding on tight and trying to let go, silling, serious, sleepy, awake and breathing, breathing, breathing...
from susanna
A little sad that my 3 year old daughter was hesitant to go to school today because I am her "favorite person and won't be there," but proud that she said goodbye without tears.
The good and the bad of parenting are eaqually difficult to manage sometimes.
A little sad that my 3 year old daughter was hesitant to go to school today because I am her "favorite person and won't be there," but proud that she said goodbye without tears.
The good and the bad of parenting are eaqually difficult to manage sometimes.
I feel numb after several months of little disasters, but strangely on the edge of peace, too.
Post a Comment