A cozy set of practical guidelines for mindful parents:
Practice in plain sight. Place your zafu, or meditation cushion, in a conspicuous place in your home, such as on your bedroom floor. As you pass by, let it invite you to practice meditation daily. Even five minutes morning or night can turn your life around.
Live by routine. Take the needless guesswork out of meals and bedtimes. Let everyone relax into the predictable flow of a healthy and secure life.
Elevate the small. And overlook the large. Want to change the world? Forget the philosophical lessons. Instruct your child in how to brush his teeth, and then do it, together, twice a day.
Turn off the engines. Discipline TV and computer usage and reduce artificial distraction, escapism, and stimulation. This begins with you.
Give more attention. And less of everything else. Devote one hour a day to giving undistracted attention to your children. Not in activities driven by your agenda, but according to their terms. Use a timer to keep yourself honest. Undivided attention is the most concrete expression of love you can give.
Take a break. Before you break in two. Designate a chair in your home as a "quiet chair," where you can retreat to decelerate conflicts. Or walk around the block and see how quickly your own two feet can stamp out the fire on your head. Suggestion: change out of bathrobe before leaving house.
Be the first to apologize. Practice the miracle of atonement and instantly restore household harmony. By your doing, your children will learn how.
Be the last to know. Refrain from making judgments and foregone conclusions about your children. Watch their lives unfold, and be surprised. The show is splendid, and yours is the best seat in the house.
***
This originally appeared as part of the article "Parents, Leave Your Home" in the March 2009 issue of the Shambhala Sun. Well-worn robes are the best kind.
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20 comments:
me, two kids, a deck of cards, 3 zafus and a rain cloud: a matchless afternoon of go fish.
ThIs morning, however, after serving as a fine platform to sit upon, the red zafu made an excellent target for nerf shooting; not too delicate (unlike the paintings on the wall) and not too small (unlike the light switches and the door knobs).
I LOVED this piece. I needed a reminder. Thanks:)
I need to print this out. This is a truly lovely and great post and I really needed it. Thank you always. ALWAYS! Love you so much!
Yes, I meditate in the middle of it all. And sometimes in the middle of sitting, I'm getting up to wipe someone's little bum. Then I sit my own bum back down.
-s
Hello,
I wanted to see if you would be interested in having your blog added to the Zen Community, an aggregator of Zen Buddhist blogs that I operate at http://community.zen-sangha.org.
Please let me know if you are interested.
(If you are interested and reply, please remind me of your blog url in the e-mail as I am contacting a number of blogs today!)
Gassho!
Al Jigen Billings
Really? Do I have to take off my bathrobe before wandering around the block? You should have told me this sooner. I've been routinely seen in the front yard in my pajamas.
Thank for the reminder that it begins with me.
XOXO.
Beautiful thoughts here. My favorite is "The show is splendid, and yours is the best seat in the house."
Thank you.
Just took my first real breath of the day - thanks!
Oh, where were you all those years ago as we struggled through parenthood, Karen!
Fortunately we did meet with some of your suggestions but more is often better. You are so "Calming" to read and appreciate.
Mary
Thank you so much for that reminder. MommaZen is going back on my bedside table for a re-read :)
Thanks, Karen. I'm meditating a bit on that apologize first thing ... and the quiet chair. Of course, I've always struggled with ... what if you can't walk around the block at that moment? : )
You are the best! Thank you!! Look forward to meeting you in Seattle!!
Yay! The monastery of Seattle! Isn't it amazing that the place we are meeting really was once a monastery (seminary)? Everything everywhere is proof.
I probably should stop meditating on my bathroom floor with the door locked!
"...the best seat in the house."
YES!
Every day.
Oh I loved this post! Thank you.
Your words have whispered in my ear for what could have been two challenging days with my twins, who have been sick (ear infections/pink eye). But instead, I gave undivided attention and we all had a great time playing. It occurs to me that the advice about a timed hour of undivided attention would do wonders for marriages and many other relationships! My partner and I are turning off the computers (ah, the part about "turn off the engines!--we each have one!) and trying it tonight.
Karen I am so happy to discover your blog, I practise mindfulness and meditation, but having new teachers and an ever growing sangha is always vital too.
Love this. A timely piece for me, for many reasons this week. Funny how you find the message you need when you need it. Thanks.
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