It Was Fun, Sort Of

It was fun.

Kailua, walking on the crescent beach every morning.
Waikiki, watching the splendid sunset every evening.
And all the times in between . . .
Red papaya sweetness, ocean breeze softness,
Rainbows here and there,
Nothing to do, only enjoy.

It was fun, and also hard.

Despite all my good intentions,
I was not able to keep up my practice.
One, two, three . . . five days went by
without the safety from sitting still,
every morning, as I usually do,
back home.

Sure I minded my steps,
and I got in touch with my heart,
often, many emotions I felt.
Grief out of the blue,
followed by contentment
love also, then fear, and restlessness.
The heart did not know which way to go.

Worst of all,
was the diffuse sense
of being estranged from a big chunk
of myself.
Of not really living
life as I should.