Getting Back on Track

It's been hard finding the time to sit every day. I have let work take over my life, and I am feeling the effect. The spaciousness that used to permeate my days has gone. Instead, weariness and restlessness. It is as if my constantly stimulated mind is on overdrive. I then think about all the others whose demanding lives are also playing tricks on them. Care workers who sometimes hold two jobs to make ends meet, and function on 3 to 4 hours of sleep every night. Exhausted new moms whose new babies won't stop crying, and with no grandma nearby to help out. Med residents on duty 36 hour straight. Sandwiched daughters spread too thin between their teenage children and their ailing parents.  Young lawyers trying hard to climb up the corporate ladder . . . Very few of us can escape the pressure from living in our task-driven, disenfranchised culture. Such busy-ness is exacting a price. Many of us end up being super-stressed, anxious, depressed, with no end in sight. 

It is ironic that neuroscience is coming up with more and more studies showing the power of mindfulness practice to reduce such stress. We know mindfulness can save our health, both mental and physical. It can help us find more joy. It can repair our frayed telomeres. The problem is how to find the time and motivation to practice every day. Superseding the time issue, is the need to feel compelled enough to make the necessary effort. Looking back on my years as a meditator, I can see a pattern. Times of intense practice, followed by waning in my dedication, then having to suffer the consequences, until the realization one day of needing to get back on track. This is where I am at today. The violence done to myself from not giving my mind enough time to settle every day, is now to intense to be ignored. I love myself too much! 

Sitting right now, I let myself feel the pain from always being 'on'. Tight throat, stomach in a knot, tiredness, shallow breath . . . The central nervous system needs to switch from sympathetic to parasympathetic mode. I need to make mindfulness more of a priority every day, and I need to find the time. Now, time is an interesting notion, particularly in regards to practice. No matter how busy I may be with work, the truth is there is still ample opportunities for mindfulness. First, starting in the morning with allowing enough time to sit. When is my first work meeting? How soon do I need to set the alarm? How about foregoing checking and answering emails first thing? Of course, mindfulness is not just about sitting once every day. It needs to be woven into work, and all my other activities. One simple switch  I can make is to cut down on all the times I spend throughout the day surfing the web, whenever I feel I need a break. How about using those periods to quietly sit or practice walking meditation? Good intentions, that need to be acted upon. 

How are you doing with your practice? Do you struggle like I do? 

6 Common False Views About Mindfulness Practice

Inspired in part by some of the comments on this blog, I posted this on the Huffington Post earlier this week:

Mindfulness is often times misunderstood, and that's unfortunate. Such misconceptions can lead folks to give up their practice prematurely. It can also prevent them from reaping the full benefits of true mindfulness. Here are some of the most common false views about mindfulness that I have encountered and ways to change them: 

1. I can't stop my thoughts. 

Mindfulness is not about stopping one from thinking. Rather it is about noticing when thoughts arise and then bringing the mind back to the intended object of our awareness, often times the breath. To expect the mind to not think is ludicrous. The brain is programmed to think, and we spend most of our waking life thinking. It is unreasonable to expect the brain to shut off its thinking mode, just because we want to. When we meditate, we realize we are not in control. 

2. A few minutes is good enough. 

Even mindfulness is not immune to our fast-everything culture. There are teachers, and books that promulgate the idea that just a few minutes of mindfulness from time to time is enough. That is unfortunately not so. While it is true that a little bit of mindfulness is better than none, the reality is that mindfulness is just like any other skill. Practice a little, and you will make little progress. Practice a lot, and you will gain a lot. A good rule of thumb for mindfulness practice is 30 minutes of formal practice every day. I recommend first thing in the morning, as one is more likely to practice that way, and also one can reap the benefit of their early practice during the whole day. 

3. I imagine I am in a meadow. 

Guided imagery has its own set of healing properties. And it is not mindfulness practice. Mindfulness is about cultivating awareness of the present moment, not being taken away somewhere else. Next time you decide to meditate, remember to stay where you are! 

4. I feel worse when I meditate. 

With that statement, comes the immediate implication that meditation is not a good thing and should be abandoned. This idea comes from the false assumption that mindfulness is about feeling good. While it is true that mindfulness often leads to feeling more peaceful and content within oneself, there are many moments along the way when practice is all but pleasant. It is not unusual for new meditators to feel physical and emotional pains they were not aware of before. Meditation is about being mindful of what is, no matter how pleasant or unpleasant. 

5. Mindfulness is about just being aware. 

Another misconception is the notion that mindfulness is strictly a passive activity. Mindfulness in daily life -- not when sitting for formal practice -- encompasses both moment-to-moment awareness and skillful interventions based on what is observed. If I find my thoughts going in a direction which I know is harmful to myself or others, I am to stop those thoughts and substitute them with other more adaptive thoughts. This comes with practice, and is an important aspect of mindfulness. Commonly used cognitive therapy techniques for depression and anxiety, are a version of such mindfulness practice. 

6. I paint, that's my meditation. 

To get lost into the flow of a pleasurable or creative activity is not mindfulness, although it does entail the ability to concentrate which is part of mindfulness practice. When I used to paint for hours, I would get so absorbed into what I was doing, that I would lose track of time. But I could not remember much of what had happened during all those hours. When I meditate, the opposite happens. The emphasis is on putting my full attention on the present moment and being aware. It also involves insight, the ability to learn about myself in relationship to the present moment experience. 

I hope this is helpful... and I wish you to practice well!

Just Do It!

Every day, same thing. The mind looks for excuses:

I need some tea.

I am just going to check my emails, quick.

I am not quite awake yet.

I am too restless.

I had a long sitting yesterday.

I am too tired.

I am feeling under the weather.

I don't have time.

I am going to sleep for a few more minutes.

I will practice later.

I am hungry, I need to have breakfast.

I don't feel like it now.

One day off is ok.

. . . 

The mind is clever when the time comes to sit. Every day, seeing the mind's tricks for what they are, hindrances to practice.

Every day, telling the mind, "Just do it!", and quickly going to my seat. 

Things I Remember During Mindfulness Practice

What helps me most when sitting every morning? Remembering some basic teachings from the Frames of Reference.

Here they are, translated in plain English:

[He] remains focused on the body in and of itself — ardent, alert, and mindful —

First starting with mindfulness of the body. First noticing the sensations in the feet, then moving up to the thighs resting on the chair, then becoming aware of the whole body sitting still.

putting aside greed and distress with reference to the world.

Setting aside ordinary preoccupations. Telling myself, now is not the time to plan or worry. Now is the time to practice mindfulness.

[He] sits holding his body erect and setting mindfulness to the forefront. Always mindful, he breathes in; mindful he breathes out.

Sitting up straight, turning the attention to the breath.

He trains himself, 'I will breathe in sensitive to the entire body.' He trains himself, 'I will breathe out sensitive to the entire body.'

With each breath in and out, sensing the whole body.

He trains himself, 'I will breathe in calming bodily fabrication.' He trains himself, 'I will breathe out calming bodily fabrication.'

In the process, noticing any tightness in the body, and relaxing the tension

When feeling a painful feeling, [he] discerns, 'I am feeling a painful feeling.' When feeling a pleasant feeling, he discerns, 'I am feeling a pleasant feeling.' When feeling a neither-painful-nor-pleasant feeling, he discerns, 'I am feeling a neither-painful-nor-pleasant feeling.'

Noticing the quality of the experience, whether pleasant, unpleasant, or neither.

[He] remains focused on the phenomenon of origination with regard to feelings, on the phenomenon of passing away with regard to feelings, or on the phenomenon of origination and passing away with regard to feelings.

Getting to see the constantly changing nature of the quality of the experience - pleasant one moment, then becoming unpleasant, etc . . . 

"When the mind has passion, he discerns that the mind has passion. When the mind is without passion, he discerns that the mind is without passion. When the mind has aversion, he discerns that the mind has aversion. When the mind is without aversion, he discerns that the mind is without aversion. 

Noticing either clinging or aversion. Do I like this, or do I dislike this?

"When the mind is constricted, he discerns that the mind is constricted. When the mind is scattered, he discerns that the mind is scattered [...] When the mind is concentrated, he discerns that the mind is concentrated. [...] When the mind is released, he discerns that the mind is released [...]

Noticing the quality of the mind itself. Tightness around thoughts? Scattered? Concentrated? Calm? whichever the quality, noticing.

[He] remains focused on the phenomenon of origination with regard to the mind, on the phenomenon of passing away with regard to the mind, or on the phenomenon of origination and passing away with regard to the mind.

Focusing on the nature of thought making process, not the thought themselves. Thoughts coming and going . . .

[He] remains focused on the five hindrances. [When] sensual desire is present within, [he] discerns that 'There is sensual desire present within me.' Or, there being no sensual desire present within, he discerns that 'There is no sensual desire present within me.' He discerns how there is the arising of unarisen sensual desire. And he discerns how there is the abandoning of sensual desire once it has arisen. And he discerns how there is no future arising of sensual desire that has been abandoned. (The same formula is repeated for the remaining hindrances: ill will, drowsiness, anxiety, and doubt.)

Recognizing each of the five hindrances: craving of pleasure, anger or hate, dullness, restlessness and anxiety, doubt about practice. Catching each one at whichever stage it may be in: just nascent or full blown. Hindrances can be strong but focusing on the nature of the hindrance itself, not its object, can help one let go of it. 

There is the case where he discerns, as it has come to be, that 'This is stress.' He discerns, as it has come to be, that 'This is the origination of stress.' He discerns, as it has come to be, that 'This is the cessation of stress.' He discerns, as it has come to be, that 'This is the way leading to the cessation of stress.' 

Seeing for oneself the connection between clinging and stress in both body and mind.

This is where I am at with my practice. This is what I understand. 

How about you? Which wisdom do you bring in each time you sit? 

Be Mindful, Be Playful

This morning, sitting on my favorite chair, doing nothing, I found the mind playing catch with itself. Having fun with each new thought. First noticing, then seizing, then releasing the thought. Until the next one, and the next one, and the next one . . . Mind at ease with itself. Welcoming each manifestation with gentle curiosity.

Mingyur Rinpoche examplifies and talks best about playful mindfulness:

Playful mind. Not tense. Not lazy.

The mind can play with any object. Thoughts, yes, but also breath, body sensations, emotions, sounds . . . Because of the law of impermanence, one thing we can be assured of is that each moment is a new moment, entirely different from the previous one. Each moment, a complete surprise.

I am curious. Aren't you?

Finding the Breath

How we are with the breath, can make a huge difference in how we meditate.

Here are some of my favorites:

Follow the breath

Find the breath

Get in touch with the breath

Be with the breath

Turn the attention to the breath

And some common approaches that make me cringe:

Take a breath

Even out the inhale and the exhale

The breath is always there, going in and out at its own pace. Nothing to do, no place for 'I', other than the intention of stepping aside, and being with the subtle movements of the breath, moment to moment. 

Always mindful, he breathes in; mindful he breathes out.

"Breathing in long, he discerns, 'I am breathing in long'; or breathing out long, he discerns, 'I am breathing out long.' Or breathing in short, he discerns, 'I am breathing in short'; or breathing out short, he discerns, 'I am breathing out short.'"

~ Anapanasati Sutta: Mindfulness of Breathing ~ 

Mindfulness Pep Talks

Listening to Dharma talks is an integral part of my practice, albeit in a very loose way.

I usually do not listen to an entire talk, but snippets of it instead, enough to energize my daily practice. Five, ten, fifteen minutes at the most. I may take notes. Thanks to modern media, right at our fingertips is the living wisdom from so many awesome teachers. I tend to stick to Ayya Khema. With more than 400 talks on Dharma Seed, I have plenty to choose from!

Those daily reminders from my favorite teacher are like gold for practice. 

Last night, I picked up the following from one of Ayya Khema's talks. She was giving practical pointers for daily practice:

• Every day, meditate for one hour in the morning, one hour at night. If you can't do an hour yet, do at least 30 minutes and always shoot in the direction of more time, not less.
• Always sit on the same chair, at the same place.
• Set your timer.
• Sit until it rings, no matter what. 
• Focus on the breath, and use labeling.
• Use books and tapes judiciously.
• Most helpful thing is at least one noble friend, someone who is just one step ahead of you along the path. That way, your friend remembers what it's like to be in your shoes. 

Today, I remembered and I found my whole day suffused with Ayya Khema's pearls of wisdom. Nothing like a pep Dharma talk to keep one's motivation going . . .

Dementia Care and Not Self

Why dementia care is such a noble practice:


Not self in action . . .

And a great example of service as practice, and practice as service.

The Vigilant Mind Keeper

Mindfulness practice is pretty simple: to watch the mind with as little interruptions as possible, and to filter the unwholesome thoughts that can have such disastrous consequences. As one becomes more refined in the practice, the definition of unwholesome thoughts expands to eventually include all thoughts. 

I heard before about the various similes that describe the mindful attitude, and one in particular has been resonating with the way I feel currently about practice. The image of the gatekeeper or the watchman speaks volume about the need to not let up one's attention. Trouble inevitably arises when one stops watching the thoughts arising. From there to moods, and then wrong action, it does not take much. 

It gives me peace knowing that is all that's required. To remember to watch the mind. That is our utmost responsibility, for ourselves, and also for those around us. The rest will unfold on its own accord.

Why I Sit Every Morning

Every morning, same thing. To sit, or not. Almost always, I end up sitting. 

In that split second of deciding, the mind has to be convinced of the benefit of practice. Remembering the merits already gained from practice, and the wisdom heard from teachers who 'know', those are the two things that get me to my seat.

I know how it feels the days I practice, and the ones when I don't, and the difference between the two. Taking the time to sit is a guarantee against subsequent reactivity, and mindlessness, and the danger of getting losing myself into dangerous thoughts. Simply put, it is good mental hygiene, same way I would not think of going out without having brushed my teeth first. After meditating, I feel more calm, more settled, more centered, and more in my body. I know I can go do my work and reap the rewards from 'showing up' and being fully present. On the other hand, skipping morning practice is a bit like starting the day on the wrong foot, haphazardly put together, and at the mercy of mind at its possible worst. History is there to prove what happens when I do not give myself the gift of practice to start with. Forgetting my wallet, a near miss on the road, feeling more stressed, less satisfying work interactions, wrong speech, and sometimes even wrong actions . . . the consequences can be sour. 

Taking a more long view, practicing every day is a bit like training a puppy. Only with consistency, can one hope to have the puppy fully trained, eventually. The mind is like that. This is why mindfulness goes hand in hand with practice. No practice, no mindfulness. Little practice, little mindfulness. Lots of practice, lots of mindfulness! I often look into the joyful faces of some monastics, and I say to myself, 'I want what they have'. Of course, there is only one way, and that is steady practice so that the mind becomes so sharp that it can see the reality of things as they truly are. From there to wisdom, only a long series of small and sometimes not so small steps. I have experienced enough to intuit the possibilities, and also know that this way of being that is most familiar and not very satisfactory, does not have to be so. There is a better way. I am just still too caught up in layers upon layers of mental fabrications. It has been most valuable reading the suttas, and more contemporary accounts from respected teachers, those who speak to me such as Ayya Khema, Ajahn Chah, and U Tejanyia. When the practice grows weak, I can fall back on their wise words, and make sense of doubt, and the other hindrances. 

In the end, I sit every morning because I don't want to be more miserable than I have to. I want to give myself a chance to live each moment of this day fully. I want to be happy. 

How about you? What motivates you to sit?

Lost in Moods

How little it takes to make one's mood darken, fast!

Things not going my way with several work projects, not being able to reach my mother at her nursing home, a relative with a difficult temper . . . and I am in a funk. A few days ago, when circumstances and people cooperated, I was on cloud nine.

From Ajahn Chah:

The untrained mind lacks wisdom. It's foolish. Moods come and trick it into feeling pleasure one minute and suffering the next. Happiness then sadness. But the natural state of a person's mind isn't one of happiness or sadness. This experience of happiness and sadness is not the actual mind itself, but just these moods which have tricked it. The mind gets lost, carried away by these moods with no idea what's happening. And as a result, we experience pleasure and pain accordingly, because the mind has not been trained yet. It still isn't very clever. And we go on thinking that it's our mind which is suffering or our mind which is happy, when actually it's just lost in its various moods.

Ayya Khema compares life to a continuous adult education. Each of life's irritant is there to show us the work to be done with our mind. The clinging still to pleasure, and the pain of avoidance in its absence. Felt present unhappiness is the best teacher, a call to see things as they really are, with the foundation from those who have gone forth before us, as a safe resting place for the practice to be done. 

The Safety of Mindfulness

As I get ready to fly to France to go visit my mother, the word 'safety' keeps popping up in my mind. 

A note from my daughter on the kitchen table wishing me safe travels.

The horrific story of the Sandy Brooks shooting, and the shattered sense of safety it has re-awakened in our collective consciousness.

Safety as in loving kindness prayer:

May I be safe

May I be at peace

May I be at ease

etc . . . 

And last, and most importantly, the safety to be found in mindfulness practice.

Wherever I am, wherever I go, and regardless of external circumstances, dwelling in awareness is the ultimate refuge and protection from mind's troubled waters and from the unsatisfactoriness of an unpredictable world. 

What Keeps Me Sitting

It's easy taking on mindfulness practice. It's another thing sitting day after day after day.

No one checking on you, no one encouraging, no immediate consequences one way or the other, there is only faith in the practice to sustain one's determination. 

The faith in question is not blind. Rather, it is faith informed by one's prior experiences with practice, combined with acquired wisdom based on the teachings. It's a bit like embarking on a road, and finding out that the map is proving accurate. From that realization, trust in the directions develops. The much desired end point and the higher road to attain it are worth all the effort. The alternative, the samsara route, is not one I want to stay on. There's got to be a better way to be in this life . . . The awareness of the pervasiveness of suffering is the other reason I sit every morning. The mind needs to be put to rest, and the only way is through proper seeing, substituting, and letting go, all best done during quiet, attentive sitting. 

What keeps you sitting, day after day after day? 

Appeasing the Mind

The ordinary mind can never get enough of thinking. Planning the future, rehashing past events, elaborating schemes to satisfy various versions of the constructed self, the mind runs amok with infinite thoughting possibilities . . . Now, whenever I sit to meditate, I have found an easy way to appease the mind. I tell it to just hold off for those few moments, and that it will be able to resume its fabrications afterwards. That may not seem like not much, but that small reassurance seems to do the trick!

6 Mindfulness Strategies For the Busy Person

It's been hard finding the time for formal practice. Work has not let up, and every day, same questions. What time to set the alarm? How much sleep do I really need? Does time spent meditating make up for loss in sleep? Do I meditate first thing, or wait until I come home, some time late? How long do I sit for? How about breaking into two smaller sittings? 

I finally have come up with a plan, and it's been working - sort of . . .

Here it is:

1. Set up my alarm to 6am every morning.

2. Always sit, no matter what. That part never changes day to day.

3. Depending on how early I need to leave, morning sitting practice may be 5, 10, 15, 30 minutes. I always set my timer.

   5 or 10 minute practice is simple awareness of breath 

   15 minute practice is loving kindness meditation

   30 minute or more practice is sitting with breath

4. In the case when morning practice is less that 30 minutes, I leave with the redoubled intention of using whichever ensuing activities as mindfulness practices: walking to my car, listening to Ayya Khema's talks while driving, walking from car to work, etc . . . I am also fortunate to incorporate mindfulness into my work, and get to have several 5 minute mindful check ins with the people I work with. 

5. I also try to make up at night with some loving kindness or simple sitting practice.

6. I use weekends to boost my practice with longer sittings, 45-60 minutes. 

How do you manage to squeeze in some mindfulness into your busy day?

Of course, the real solution lies elsewhere, in a rethinking of one's priorities. Not giving into the craving for more work, being content with less money, less accomplishments. Keeping it more simple . . .

The Beginning and the End of Meditation

How one starts and ends each sitting are almost as important as the meditation itself.

From Leigh Brasington, instructions we practiced during the retreat:

5 things to do at the beginning:

1. Gratitude to teachers, life circumstances . . . 
2. Motivation - Why am I doing this?
3. Determination - to use time wisely
4. Metta, first for one self
5. Breathing - in and out

5 things to do at the end:

1. Recapitulation - review what contributed to quality of sitting
2. Impermanence - reflect 
3. Insight - what did I learn that is personal and also impersonal
4. Dedication of merit
5. Remember to be mindful and continue momentum throughout the day

I have developed my own, simplified version. Starting always with gratitude for the practice, then determining to set aside ordinary habits of mind, then metta, and then breathing. Then ending with reviewing highlights of the sitting, and determining to stay mindful. 

How about you?

Follow Your Breath, Not Your Heart?

Another useful information learned during the retreat with Leigh:

If while sitting, you find yourself ever tempted to follow your heart(beat), as I have been in the past, DON'T. It could be bad for your health and mess up your heart rhythm. DO stick to your breath, or any other object of attention. 

That made sense to me. I tried to find some more information on this topic, but nothing came up. 

A Simple Meditation

The elders at Grace Cathedral asked me if I could type something up after our session together. 'No tape, no computer, we are not that fancy!' For most, this was their first time practicing mindfulness, and they wanted words they could read to guide them at home. 

Keeping things simple, here it is:

Take a seat in a quiet place. Adjust your posture so that your feet are resting on the floor, and your back is straight but not tense. Rest your hands on your lap, and close your eyes. Take a few moments to settle in, relaxing any tension in the body. Then become aware of the breath wherever most prominent in the body. And start following the breath, in and out, in and out, etc . . . paying attention to the physical sensations of each breath. Whenever thoughts arise, as they inevitably will, simply notice and return to the breath. Whenever tension arise in the body, notice and relax as much as possible, then return to the breath. 

Easy enough to remember, and practice . . .

Putting Aside Greed and Distress

Taking the time to sit this morning, I find comfort in these words from the Satipatthana Sutta:

'putting aside greed & distress with reference to the world'

It works for me to know that this practice is about putting a temporary hold on the ordinary busyness. There is a time for everything. Right now, for the next thirty minutes, nothing to do other than disengaging the mind from all thoughts about work and other entanglements. 

I get to watch the mind's compulsiveness, the draw from sticky thoughts that keep on coming, and the resulting pain each time. 

Again and again, remembering:

'putting aside greed & distress with reference to the world'

Latching on to the breath for help. Resting the mind in the continuous flow in and out, and the physical sensations around each inhale and exhale. 

Taking the Time For Practice

A grueling work schedule has made it harder to practice, lately. I have found, if I don't sit in the morning, that's it, I will not practice that day, at least not formally. Carving the time in the morning has become essential. Last night, I set my alarm thirty minutes early so I would get a chance to sit before the day takes over. 

Remembering the benefits from practice and what happens when  I don't, has been a key motivator.

Do you TAKE the time to practice?