Thursday, May 17, 2012

Owning the Clinging, Finding Inner Freedom

There has been a big (good) change in my practice lately. Away from feeling at the mercy of the pain from clinging, to owning my part in the process. This is akin to a tectonic shift in self-awareness, a new way of seeing, and feeling that opens the way to true inner freedom.

Before, paired with the suffering, was much powerlessness, and resentment almost for being stuck with such unpleasantness. I realize lots of that had to to with some misinformed thinking. Maybe if I could unlock the cause of the clinging? It felt so old . . . Surely, something in my past needed to be dealt with. How much longer would I have to sit and feel the pain?

Now, I have stepped away from being a victim of the clinging, to fully owning my role. Realizing that clinging is an action that I can control. The letting go may be slower than I would like, but nevertheless, 'I' am the one doing the clinging, right now, in the present moment. The cause of clinging is almost irrelevant, although it does help to see one's rough spots.

Now, there is something I can do. Sitting is indeed a very active process. One of seeing, and taking necessary corrective action. Sitting, I notice tension, tightening in the throat, in the stomach, in the mind. And I use acquired wisdom to decide on what to do with the closing in. Sitting, I know to relax each tension point, using the breath as anchor, over and over again.

And I remember, the whole idea is of putting aside greed and distress with reference to the worldPutting aside, letting go, relaxing . . . all active words. 

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