Sticky Thoughts and Mindfulness Practice

Sitting, meditating on the breath, or the body, or another object, one gets a chance to become intimate with the mind. Sometimes, all is well, and there is peace, and moments of total ease with the present moment. More often, though, the mind is playing one of its favorite numbers, either wandering, or perseverating with troubling thoughts. The latter is the most difficult to deal with, and requires another medicine besides meditation.

Adapted from the root teaching on The Removal of Distracting Thoughts, are some clear instructions:

We are to reflect on the distracting thoughts. This is a different activity than meditation, and one that complements it. This reflection follows a five step process.

1) Substitution

When unskillful thoughts arise, one should, in order to get rid of them, reflect on a different object which is connected with skillful thoughts. For example, if one is overcome with thoughts of self-loathing, one can try to practice loving kindness, wishing oneself well. 

2) Reflection on cause and effect 

If the unskillful thoughts continue to arise, one should ponder on the disadvantages of unskillful thoughts. What effect do these thoughts have on me? How much misery is created as a result? How does it feel in the body, and in the mind? 

3) Distraction

If the unskillful thoughts continue to arise, one should endeavor to turn one's attention and reflection away from those thoughts. 

4) Investigation of the source

If unskillful thoughts continue to arise, one should reflect on the removal of the (thought) source of those unskillful thoughts. 

5) Forceful removal

If unskillful thoughts continue to arise, one should restrain, subdue and beat down the negative mind with the good mind. 

Closer to us, contemporary Vipassana teachers are dispensing similar teachings.

From U Tejaniya, in Awareness Alone is Not Enough, a teaching about difficult emotions that can also be applied to unskillful thoughts:

When trying to deal with an emotion you can ask yourself  four questions. 

1) First question: “When I am having this emotion, does it make my body and mind feel good or bad?” Does it feel pleasant or unpleasant? If you recognize the emotion every time it arises, and also recognize whether it feels pleasant or unpleasant in body and mind, the mind will start wondering whether it is worth having this emotion. Eventually your mind will realize that it does not have to live with this emotion. Once you know that something does not feel good, are you just going to keep indulging in it?

2) Second question: “What is the emotion about, what is it directed towards?” 

3) Third question: “Why am I having this emotion?” 

4) Fourth question: “Is having this emotion necessary or unnecessary?”

These questions support the practice because they create interest and encourage us to use our intelligence. The moment we get a real answer, when the mind really sees something, it lets go.

From Ayya Khema, in When the Iron Eagle Flies:

"What you could do at such time would be contemplation. Sit down where nobody will disturb you, and focus on the pain to find out its cause, why it should have arisen. Do not be satisfied with an answer such as "Because so-and-so said something"- that's only the superficial cause of it. That would have been the trigger, but there's no cause for mental pain unless there's something inside oneself that is reacting to that trigger. It is useful first to find the outer trigger, which is probably well known to you. It could be a sense of futility, anxiety about the future - any kind of trigger is possible."

"Then you need to find in yourself the reason for the reaction creating pain. The reason has to be "I don't want it the way it is." There can be no other."

But why don't we like it the way it is? Usually the answer is "Because my ego is not supported." The bottom line of the whole inquiry is always the "ego", but it's useless to say, "I know it is my ego" and then continue to have the pain. It is useful , however, to go through the whole process of the trigger, the personal reaction, the inquiry into the cause of the reaction and then the understanding that the reaction is our dukkha and not the trigger. I have a formula: "Don't blame the trigger." Never let the mind stay with the trigger; always investigate what and who is reacting. Unless we find the reaction to the trigger in ourselves, we are going to repeat the same performance with the same result over and over again, like a preprogrammed computer printout. Press the same buttons and the same printout appears, until we finally realize that it is nothing but a button being pressed, and that we don't have to have the same printout. We are in a position to be able to stop ourselves.

In the beginning that may be painful because we have to look at ourselves in a new way. We need no have this exaggerated idea of our own worth, nor do we need an exaggerated idea of our nonworth. We can learn just to accept the way things are. Sitting on the pillow at such a time is very good, but trying to meditate is often useless; contemplate instead. The subject of the contemplation is to be: "The cause of mental pain."

And also:

Some [feelings] are pleasant, some are unpleasant, some are neutral, but our reactions don't have to be preplanned, impulsive, instinctive. We can look at them with mindfulness and put the brakes on. Substitution is much easier than just dropping what is in the mind. Although dropping is the perfect way to get rid of clinging, it is more difficult because it is a letting-go aspect. In the beginning, substitution is a necessary response . . . When aversion, rejection, resistance, anger, jealousy, pride, greed, or craving arise within, we can take a moment to look at them mindfully. When we recognize their burdensome impact on us, we understand that we need not continue to let them exist. We can substitute compassion, or the idea that they are not important, or the understanding of impermanence, or corelessness. This is particularly true of anger, which makes life so very unpleasant for oneself and others. When we get angry with a person, we can ask ourselves first of all, "What am I getting angry at? Is it the hair, the nose, the eyes, or what? Am I getting angry at his words? If it is really unpleasant speech, it means the other person is unhappy. "Why should I get angry, then? Why can't I be compassionate?" If we can change our anger to compassion, we will feel good, the other person will feel good, and we will have taken a step forward on our spiritual path.

From Gil Fronsdal:

By sorting through the unwholesome and the wholesome, we can choose to cultivate the wholesome and let go of the unwholesome. If you feel an inclination to be generous, for example, you can choose to water the seed of generosity by following through on that inclination. You may be able to distinguish mean-spirited feelings and choose to let them go. With enough mindfulness and investigation, you can even choose which thoughts to pursue and which to drop. You may be able to recognize when you are thinking along unwholesome lines and choose to think about something more useful.

From Bikkhu Boddhi, in The Noble Eightfold Path, the Way to the End of Suffering:

Since greed and aversion are deeply grounded, they do not yield easily; however, the work of overcoming them is not impossible if an effective strategy is employed. The path devised by the Buddha makes use of an indirect approach: it proceeds by tackling the thoughts to which these defilements give rise. Greed and aversion surface in the form of thoughts, and thus can be eroded by a process of "thought substitution," by replacing them with the thoughts opposed to them. The intention of renunciation provides the remedy to greed. Greed comes to manifestation in thoughts of desire — as sensual, acquisitive, and possessive thoughts. Thoughts of renunciation spring from the wholesome root of non-greed, which they activate whenever they are cultivated. Since contrary thoughts cannot coexist, when thoughts of renunciation are roused, they dislodge thoughts of desire, thus causing non-greed to replace greed. Similarly, the intentions of good will and harmlessness offer the antidote to aversion. Aversion comes to manifestation either in thoughts of ill will — as angry, hostile, or resentful thoughts; or in thoughts of harming — as the impulses to cruelty, aggression, and destruction. Thoughts of good will counter the former outflow of aversion, thoughts of harmlessness the latter outflow, in this way excising the unwholesome root of aversion itself.

Last, borrowing from the Vipassana tradition, and adapted for the Western psychology culture, are cognitive approaches to dysfunctional thoughts, that are now commonly used to treat depression. Cognitive therapy, and Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT) recognize the importance of becoming aware of negative thought patterns and approaching them in a way that loosens their grip, eventually leading to more skillful mind habits. 

Playing With Mindfulness

Mindfulness is a serious matter, no doubt. There is also a real danger in taking one's practice too seriously. A persistent frown, jaws clenching, shoulders becoming stiff, shallow breath, knot in the stomach . . . these may all be manifestations of an overzealous attitude, a case of practice taking a wrong turn. U Tejaniya spends a lot of time on this, teaching about the right attitude:

You have to double check to see what attitude you are meditating with. A light and free mind enables you to meditate well. Do you have the right attitude?

There is a game I play often during practice, and that helps me stay light and concentrated. I call it playing catch with the breath. Sitting with the intention of resting in the breath, I allow myself to be surprised by each new inhalation. Over and over, breath out, noticing pause, and then, the delight  of breath coming in. Sweetness of body being breathed once more. Being grateful for yet another moment, alive. 

Nothing Worth Getting Excited

Just found in U Tejaniya's blog, this very much worth pondering excerpt from his last book: Welcoming Each moment With Awareness+Wisdom:

Only when the mind does not perceive experiences as pleasing will it understand the Noble Truth of dukkha. As long as the mind perceives experiences as pleasing, then the Noble Truth of dukkha is still far from being understood.

Yes, just like Ajahn Chah's image of the wilted flower. No matter how beautiful, the rose carries within each one of its cells, its inevitable fate. Nothing lasting, nothing worth getting enthralled with. Hence the wisdom of disenchantment, and dispassion. 

This is not about being blase or dismissive of 'happy' moments. Rather it is about finding equanimity, from the stored memory of many many mindful times before, seeing impermanence. I will take equanimity a million times over the seesaw of mindless excitement and aversion. 

Sitting, this morning, there is delight about a world just how 'I' want it, calm and sweet. And the awareness, that too shall pass . . . pain and storms ahead. 

Investigating the Depression

Only one who has encountered clinical depression, can really understand the torture of living day in and day out with a a mind that has turned against itself. I endured such hell after the birth of my first daughter, many years ago. Looking back, I wish I had had the gift of mindfulness to fall back on then. Now, it is my privilege to accompany others as they go through the darkness. Almost always, our joint journey involves mindfulness. And I bring U Tejaniya along:

I began practicing at age fourteen, so long before I experienced depression I’d already devel- oped the ability to regard anything that came up in my mind and deal with it objectively, without getting involved or taking it personally when ugly stuff came up. When I became depressed I could apply all these skills. I’ve been depressed three times. The first time I made a strong effort, just snapped myself out of it. And the second time, too. But each time the depression came back, and each time it came back stronger. The first two times I overcame depression, my recovery didn’t last long. I know now that the first two times I’d used effort but no wisdom, no understanding. During the last depression, I had no energy left in me to make the effort. Depression followed me everywhere.

The key for me in dealing with my depression was right attitude. I realized I’d have to use my wisdom to learn about it, understand it. By just recognizing the depression and being present with it. I would just recognize that this was nature, that this was just a quality of mind; it was not personal. I watched it continually to learn about it. Does it go away? Increase? What is the mind thinking? How do the thoughts affect feelings? I became interested. I saw that when I’d do the work with interest, my investigation would bring some relief. Before that I’d been at the depression’s mercy, but I learned I could actually do something. I was choosing to be proactive, to find out about depression, and then it lightened. That was the main thing, complete acceptance. I saw I was helpless to do anything, so I just let it be there. But I could examine it, do something with myself. I couldn’t do anything to it, but I could investigate it and come to know it.

Bottom line is, there is hope, even for the seemingly most intractable depression. 

Be Social, Be Mindful

I used to think of social gatherings as the last places to practice mindfulness. So noisy, so much stimulation, so much mindlessness all around . . . 

Inspired by U Tejaniya's teachings, I have come around to another point of view. Yesterday's Thanksgiving became another opportunity for practice. More than twenty people gathered, many of whom I only get to see once a year. Some I have more connections with than others. And each new encounter, a chance to observe the mind at work. 

How much do I really listen? How active is the 'commentator', the judge? How quickly do 'I' decide, "I like this conversation", or "This person is boring"? How many stories from the past do I bring into each interaction? What she said to me five years ago, and I still have not forgiven? Or the memory of a heartfelt conversation that brought the two of us close once? Who do I choose to speak to, and who do I ignore? How does it feel right in the core of my body? Tensing? Or relaxing? What is the emotion? So much to process in a matter of seconds.

I found that practicing in this way gave the evening a whole different flavor. First, I learned much about  the many ways in which the mind can create wedges between one self and others. The trick is to catch the thoughts before they have a chance to get acted out into words, or behaviors. Besides insight, much joy is to be had as well. Joy from being more present, and more kind. Right now, there is only me and him, this almost stranger whom I will probably not see until same time, next year. It is not about 'me', it's about him and what he is saying, and watching the impurities of my own mind wash away, leaving my heart free to meet him. 

How do you bring mindfulness to your social interactions? What do you notice?

Does It Feel Good, Or Not?

Why do I spend so much time focusing on vedana?

Because learning about it and then becoming aware of it in my own meditative experience, has changed the way I dwell in each moment. Vedana was the missing piece I did not know about, and the awareness of which made the difference between being stuck, and experiencing the freedom from wholeness.

I like to hear different teachers' take on it. This morning, I reread U. Tejaniya - in Awareness Alone is Not Enough:

U Tejaniya: Vedana is an activity of the mind. There is a difference between this activity of feeling and our perception of it as pleasant, unpleasant, neutral. Vedana means feeling or 'sensing' something, feeling into something, wile pleasant, unpleasant, or neutral is our interpretation of feeling. 

Student: So do we need to be mindful of this feeling process or the qualities of pleasant, unpleasant, or neutral?

U Tejaniya: We need to know both, and it is important to understand that they represent different functions of the mind, the aggregates of feeling and perception. The function of perception is to interpret feeling as pleasant, unpleasant, or neutral. The function of vedana is just to feel.

Student: That means we need to be mindful of the activity of vedana as separate and distinct from the pleasant, unpleasant, and neutral?

U Tejaniya: Yes, that's right. You can also make further distinctions between feelings. When the mind interprets a particular sensation as a bodily pleasant feeling, it will usually immediately give rise to a pleasant mental feeling. When the body sensations are interpreted as unpleasant (dukkha), it will usually give rise to an unpleasant mental feeling. The reaction to neutral feelings in the body will be equanimity.

Student: Do vedana and perception always work together?

U Tejaniya: Yes, vedana touches everything, together with consciousness and other mental factors. You experience the world through this activity of vedana.

Student: Is it difficutl to become aware of vedana? It is very subtle?

U Tejaniya: Yes, it is quite subtle. Neutral feelings are already quite subtle in comparison to pleasant or unpleasant ones. the process of vedana is even more subtle than that. It is not easy to become aware of it. Becoming aware of the mind at work takes a lot of practice; it is not an ordinary knowing, it is a very subtle understanding process.

U Tejaniya's description really speaks to my experience. There is the bodily sensing, and then the labeling of pleasant, unpleasant, or combination of both. I find the mind is programmed to hastily hone in on pleasurable or non pleasurable quality in the moment. We are pleasure seeking beings at the core, always in the process of figuring out, does this feel good, or not?

Six Questions About Emotions

In the midst of a pleasant walk through the park, something my friend said changed my mood from sweet to unpleasantly hot. I had the presence of mind to acknowledge the anger rising, and its disastrous effect on my happiness. Not good, I thought. No need to linger in this state. Quick, wise mind traced back the chain of causes and effects, down to the real culprit, inside. I had been down that road with him many, many times before, and the options were clear. To feed the anger some more with unwise thoughts, or to cool it with what would do me good. I chose the latter, with great difficulties, I must admit . . . 

When dealing with emotions, U Tejaniya suggests that we ask ourselves the following questions:

"When I am having this emotion, does it make my body and mind feel good or bad? "

In this case, bad. Nothing pleasant about having this anger.

"What is the emotion about, what is it directed towards?"

Anger had to do with expectations I had about how my friend should behave towards me. 

"Why am I having this emotion?"

'Shoulds' have a bad rap in cognitive therapy, and for a good reason. Expectations are a sure recipe for unhappiness, and its cohort of miserable emotions. Here, anger.

"Is having this emotion necessary or unnecessary?"

Unnecessary. I often think of, what if this was the moment of my last breath, would I want to spend it that way. 

"Who is angry?"

This idea of me as a person with a whole lot of baggage. Mind burdened with expectations (see above), cravings, clinging, insecurities, foolishness . . . 

"What is anger?"

A creation of the mind. Mind turning on itself, and taking the body along with a host of unpleasant sensations - shallow breath, hotness and aches in the head, tight throat, knots in stomach . . . 

If too much to remember at once, start with just the first one. It will take you far in the investigation of emotions. Nothing like finding out for ourselves what works, and what doesn't, to make the right choice.

Anger = unpleasantness = not worth clinging to.

Taking It Easy With Aversion

This week I have not been able to make it to the end of my 30' daily sitting meditation. Too much unpleasantness, and aversion to the experience. After a while, it gets to be too much, and I need to take a break. 

Here is what U. Tejaniya has to say about aversion:

When you experience aversion, recognize it and then change to a neutral object like the breath or some physical sensation. Watch this for a while to calm the mind, then look at the aversion again for a while - just keep going back and forth. Many yogis find it too difficult to watch the mind continuously. As long as we don't have real wisdom, as long as we depend on bringing in wisdom intellectually, we will have to use a samatha practice to calm the mind. 

Now remembering my interview with Ruth, and her advice to not linger on the aversion for too long.  Going instead to the breath, or the hands. 

Why one needs to hear the teachings over and over again. Otherwise the mind forgets . . . 

Double Take on Loving Kindness

Jack Kornfield, Ayya Khema, Gil Fronsdal, Sharon Salzberg, Ruth Denison, Jon Kabat-Zinn, six  teachers . . . all big fans of loving kindness.

U Tejaniya has a different take, worth listening to:

For some people, to practise metta bhavana when they are angry can create an internal conflict. For them it does not work. What is real is the anger, and trying to intellectually suppress it won't help. I tried to send metta to people when I as angry with. But now my wisdom just cannot accept it. My wisdom tells me: "Be real! Watch the anger! Understand the anger!" It feels like the mind is trying to lie to itself. I have done quite a lot of metta bhavana in the past, even practiced all night long and got into absorption, into really blissed-out states for a whole day, but it did not make me a less angry person. The moment I stopped practicing I was full of anger again.

After I had been practicing satipatthana at home for many years, continuously watching all mental activities, I started having periods during which there was really no more dosa in the mind. Then it was easy to send metta to anyone - no problem. My teacher would sit until his mind was really peaceful and only then send metta. Because then it was real metta. Only if you have money in your pocket, can you give some away 

[. . .]

The metta I would like you to have is real metta, not the kind you try to create for yourself or towards someone else. If there is no dosa, then metta, mudita, karuna, and upekkha all become possible, and you can radiate as much metta as you like. Metta grows our of adosa and it is therefore more important to acknowledge, observe, and understand dosa than to practice metta. I emphasize this point of first dealing with the dosa because it is real.

[. . .]

I always tell yogis who want to practice metta to be aware of themselves while they are doing it. When you are observing yourself while sending metta, you are doing satipatthana. Watch your mind at work sending metta; check whether you really feel metta. Then you will also notice if you are angry and that it is really difficult to send any metta when you are angry.

I think I see U Tejaniya's point. There are times when it gets tough inside, and I decide to be easy on myself, and I give into the sweetness of metta, just to give the heart a break. Times when fear threatens to take me down, or when the heat of anger needs to be cooled. Investigation stopped, and instead, a deliberate cultivation of wholesomeness in the mind. The big question raised by U Tejaniya is of whether it would not be more wise to continue the investigation of the fear, or the anger. Getting down to the bottom of the hindrances, until they get dissolved completely through wise, sustained attention.

I also fully ascribe to the value of substituting unwholesome thoughts with wholesome thoughts. Responding to the state of fear with thoughts about peace, and ease. Responding to the anger with well wishing thoughts about happiness, and well-being. The neuroscientists have confirmed the Buddha's findings, that the brain can be rewired through the cultivation of specific thoughts. 

Maybe there is a middle road here? To practice metta, WHILE at the same time continuing to be very aware of the hindrances still present, and their effect on one's happiness. Also to know one's limits, and have compassion for one's aching heart. Holding the fear, and the anger as a mother would hold her unhappy child. The idea being not to substitute the anger with love, but to envelop it with love, giving it space to move. Coming full circle with U Tejaniya's point about wisdom.

Metta by itself, no. Metta with wisdom, yes.

Back to Work, Mindfully

Getting ready to go back to work after one-week hiatus in France, I notice a small twinge of apprehension. My workplace, any workplace is an ecosystem that is ripe for much mindfulness practice. Here are some wise seeds from U Tejaniya, collected during the flight back home.

The first seed:

Look at the thoughts you have when you do your work, look at the views and ideas you are holding, and also notice the feelings you have when these thoughts come up. You need to recognize that it is because there is too much effort that there is tension. You are using more effort than you need . . . The main reason why you are putting in so much energy is because you have anxiety . . . Now you need to understand why you are anxious. Are you not skillful in what you are doing?  . . . Whenever you get these feelings of anxiety, just recognize them. Ask yourself whether it is really necessary to feel anxiety. Is it necessary to have anxiety to finish a job? . . . You need to acknowledge anxiety every time it comes up. Watching these feelings will help you understand something and this will allow your mind to let go. Remember that the purpose of vipassana meditation is not to relieve you from what is happening but to help you understand what is happening.

Watching the anxiety rise, and how it feels in the body, in the mind. Investigating the troublesome thoughts at the root.

Now, the second seed:

When there is a lot of pressure, a lot of stress, practicing becomes difficult. Try to learn from the difficulties at your workplace. What makes the mind agitated? Why do you lose mindfulness? Why does the mind become eager? Is it necessary to hurry? Investigating in this way will help you deal more skillfully with difficult situations and will prevent unwholesome mind states from taking over . . . Just do as much as you can. Take and appreciate any opportunity to practice. While you are working, try to be aware of how you feel, of what kind of mind states you experience. But don't try to focus, do it loosely, lightly. If you make too much of an effort to practice, you won't be able to do your job properly. If you focus too much on the job, you won't be able to be mindful. You need to find the right balance. 

Finding the right balance. Being mindful, but not obsessively.

And the third seed:

Every time you talk to someone on the phone or when someone approaches you, try to remember to check how you are feeling. What do you think and feel about that person? Throughout the day, whether at work or not, make it a habit to always check what kind of emotional reaction you have every time you interact with another person. How do you feel when the phone rings? Is the mind eager to pick it up quickly? You need to notice these things.

Every interaction an opportunity to practice.

Last, the fourth seed:

Every time you are confronted with an angry or demanding customer, check to see how your mind feels. Their greed and aversion is their problem, you need to see whether there is greed and aversion in your mind . . . When the object is positive the mind tends to react in a positive way and when it is negative it tends to react in a negative way. It takes practice observing the mind to understand these processes. Through understanding, the mind gains a measure of stability and will no longer be so strongly affected by either negative or positive objects or experiences. As understanding matures, the mind becomes less and less reactive. it also realizes that every time it blindly reacts, it is not free. For these reasons, the mind will become more and more interested in what is going on inside and will put in more effort to investigate. 

Owning one's share of reactivity and negativity, and then dropping it when the time is ripe.

Wherever your place of work, may you too reap the benefits from these few seeds, now planted in your consciousness.

The Power of Emotions

During this trip away from home, and visiting family, I have found many emotions about what I left behind, and what has welcomed me here in my birth land. And I remember U Tejaniya's teaching:

But when you are experiencing strong emotions, put your energies into dealing with them; that’s the important issue at hand — forget whatever else is happening. If you ignore an emotion and try to keep track of everything else that is going on instead, it will remain at the back of your mind. But as soon as there is an opportunity, the emotion will come up again and give you a lot of trouble. The function of awareness is to recognize everything that is happening in the mind. Wisdom decides which issues need to be dealt with.

Being wise, being mindful of and investigating what needs the most attention, at this time. Lots of grief, anger, fear, sadness, and love also. 

Many Kinds of Practices

Traveling with me, a hard copy of U Tejaniya's book, Awareness Alone is Not Enough - also available for free on the Web. A gem of simple and profound wisdom, including this how to guide to the different practices for each personality types:

If you want to practice with effort, think all the good things you can, say all the good things you can, and do all the good things you can. That's for the people who are effort oriented. For them this is very effective because they like to be working.

People who are awareness oriented, people who are very alert, sharp, very aware, should spend more time practicing awareness. 

Those who are wisdom oriented can make more use of the ideas of Right View and Right Thought.

People who have very good concentration can begin by doing samatha and then switch to vipassana. 

Faith oriented people can start by contemplating the qualities of the Buddha, the Dhamma, and the Sangha. 

The Buddha taught so many kinds of practices because there are so many different types of personalities. 

Reflecting upon my practice, I find that I naturally dwell in awareness, first and foremost. Concentrating on the breath (or the body some times) is only a technique to draw the mind in the present, over and over again, for as many times as necessary to settle the mind. Within that place of awareness, comes wisdom, and the discernment from adopting right view and right thought. Last is right effort, purifying the mind each time defilements and unwholesome thoughts arise. And occasionally, I do reflect on the Buddha, Dhamma, and Sangha, as inspirations for the practice. 

Hence, my inclination to reframe U Tejaniya's last statement:

The Buddha taught so many kinds of practices, because depending on the time and place, the mind has different needs, that require different types of practices. 

What is your experience of practice? How does it align with U Tejaniya's teaching?